yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
