Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
