I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
