Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
