goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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