OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
