Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
