People with herpes should wear stickers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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