Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
