Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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