Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
