So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
