I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
