I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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