she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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