Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
