I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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