I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
