and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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