I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
