So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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