I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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