I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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