Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
