oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just found puke in my bra..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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