I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
