ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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