What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
