you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
