Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
