So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
