Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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