my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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