Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
