I'm drive I can fine osifer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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