I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
