Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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