I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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