her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
