He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
only you would photoshop your dick
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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