i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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