I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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