fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
