Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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