Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
