i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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