I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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