it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
