Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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