White coat. Heels.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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