he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
