You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care