my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
