Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.