my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
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Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..