We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire