yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS