Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.