I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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