The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
