Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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