If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
