i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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