I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
