Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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