I want to have your abortion
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
