4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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