Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
