filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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