my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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