I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
